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Let’s admit it. We’re multi-degreed professionals … we troubleshoot such awesome things as spacecraft and nuclear power on a daily basis … and we’re terrified
of our desktop computers. And we’re afraid to admit that we’re afraid to admit it. “Not I,” you say. Hey, aren’t you the one who ran terror-stricken to the sys admin,
screaming, “I can’t print!”? Or sat quaking in your chair because you received an Unknown File Attachment, or frozen in fear because you got a Scary Error Message? Oooga booga booga!
You knew it couldn’t hurt you, but that didn’t help, did it?
Uh-huh, I see you nodding your head. Did you just, even for a second, wonder if I could? Case in
point. Now, on to conquering that dreaded computerphobia.
First of all, stop beating yourself up about it. We’ve all been there. I remember the pitiful look on my new
assistant’s face when he first brought me in to look at “This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.” My heart bled for the guy! I tried to calm him
down by explaining that it was the software, not he, that gave the illegal instruction, probably by trying to write to a data block that was already occupied, but he wasn’t
fully at ease until several days had passed and the Computer Police hadn’t come barging in to arrest him. You’re already well past that stage. See how far you’ve come?
Second, constantly remind yourself who’s in charge. It is a machine. You control the machine, and without your commands
(yes, relish that word: commands) it’s a useless hunk of components gathering dust. Do you have much recourse when you get that Scary Error Message (or SEM, for you DoD folks out there)? Not for the moment. But you can restart the machine and tell it again to do what you want. It probably will. And if a particular application gives you an unacceptable amount of trouble,
stop using it. Contrary to what the manufacturers want you to believe, there are cost-effective (and often free) alternatives to every commercial software
package on the market. If your car kept breaking down, you’d trade it in, wouldn’t you? So why be a slave to the demon Software Brand Name when replacing it costs a lot less?
Third, stay informed. Check the news on such sites as wired.com and zdnet.com every few days for announcements of known problems. You may find out that your machine or
application isn’t doing something scary out of the blue — there’s a known bug in it, and a fix is available on the manufacturer’s web site. Doing that recently saved one of my
employees thousands of dollars in replacement costs when she found out that her laptop had a faulty logic board, a known and acknowledged defect. The manufacturer replaced it
for free, even though the machine was several years old. Also buy the BFB (Big Fat Book) for your computer’s operating system, and tab the sections dealing with the problems
you experience most. It’ll turn out to be the best forty bucks you ever spent.
Finally, do your part to prevent problems. Run virus checks and maintenance utilities
regularly. You wouldn’t expect your car or your house to serve you flawlessly without regular maintenance, so why would you expect that of your computer? Write “computer
maintenance” on your calendar for the first day of every month, and target that day for a luncheon meeting or “out” errands so you can run the utilities without losing
productive time.
Do you agree with all that? Great! You’re 90% cured! But as with every phobia, there may be relapses when the dreaded New And Unforeseen Situation
(NAUS) occurs, and you need to be prepared with an emergency treatment for that — so here it is. Put your finger on your computer’s on/off button, or the on/off switch of its
surge suppressor, and close your eyes. Feel the power coursing through your fingers … sense that glorious rush … as you realize that you can, at any moment you choose, turn
the durned thing off!
Now who’s boss?
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